When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
