some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Dear god my vagina.
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