My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
