should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
