the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
