I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
