i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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