ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
