Moan for me like Helen Keller
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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