he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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