wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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