I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
this beer tastes like vomit already
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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