We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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