im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
