Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
What a dumb baby whore.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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