She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
