just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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