I think im going to throw up on grandma
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I need to stop coming to work sober
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
