my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
