I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
