so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
