Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
