he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
