Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
