She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
