can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
