Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
