So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
