Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
