There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
