just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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