Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
