Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm bleeding and have questions
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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