You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
