I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
