i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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