I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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