last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
