you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
