there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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