Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
