I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
