You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
