Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
