there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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