Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
