the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
