plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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