A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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