it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
