I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
