Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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