No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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