i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
