he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
