My liver just broke up with me...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
