i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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