I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
