He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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